Given the wealth of evidence proving that climate change is real, I find it baffling how some people still think this phenomenon is a hoax.
Take for example my cousin Romeo, whom I had a chat with during Chinese New Year. Like a typical sceptic, he believes that there is no scientific consensus on climate change. He is also reluctant to believe in reports about melting ice caps and the possibility of Singapore sinking because of rising sea levels. He finds sustainability measures to be too bothersome.
“Please, lah. Metal straws are so silly. There isn’t one that is large enough for people to drink bubble tea!” he exclaimed. Wow. That never crossed my mind. Perhaps that’s why metal straws never took off in Singapore.
Before we parted ways, Romeo tried to arrange another get-together at this favourite craft beer joint.
“I’ll pass. I prefer cocktails,” I said. “Beer makes me bloated.”
“Cocktails? Those sissy drinks that are served in small glasses with ice?” he sniggered.
“I guess you could say so.”
“Eh, you very hypocritical leh.”
“What? How?”
“You already said that Antarctica is losing so much ice. Do your part and save ice, lah!”
Besides learning that Romeo is rather daft, I realised why some people still think that climate change is a hoax – because the effects of global warming aren’t apparent, especially in a place like Singapore, where it’s just hot all year round.
Besides, it’s not like everyone around us is dying of heat stroke. It’s not like Gardens by the Bay has turned into a giant grilled salad.
You see, it’s human nature. We only react when things go awry. If everything right now seems fine and dandy, why would we worry about an apocalyptic future that we won’t even live to see?
So what should we do? I say we incentivise people to be sustainable. For starters, let’s ban the use of toilet paper. Let’s dish out subsidies for every household to install a high-tech Japanese toilet bowl that can rinse and dry our bums better than any toilet paper.
Toilet paper is something I’ve always been baffled with. I mean, we’re essentially paying a few cents each time just to wipe our bums. It’s like literally flushing money down the toilet bowl!
Next, let’s do something about reusable straws because these things just aren’t practical. You see, ladies have their pretty purses to store these straws. But men? Are we supposed to stick it in the back pocket like what we did in the 1980s with those pointy orange combs?
I reckon the fashion industry needs to chip in on this. Design something hip that men can carry. No, not the fanny pack. Geez, those should stay dead.
What about a holster, one large enough to store our achingly hip reusable straws and other accessories for the modern man?
In fact, we could even throw technology and gamification into the mix. Let’s invent intelligent reusable straws that can keep track of how many bubble tea balls one consumes. The person atop the leaderboard every month gets to win a prize.
But knowing how Singaporeans are so kiasu, I reckon the first prize would need to be a colonoscopy and some very strong laxatives.
