Although the theme for this month’s column is women, because of International Women’s Day, I really wouldn’t go to the extent of echoing that common adage, “Behind every successful man stands a woman”.
Because, you know, the woke and single people won’t be too happy about it.
Besides, don’t you think that this saying is in itself a backhanded compliment? I mean, why does the woman have to stand behind the man? Why not beside him? And why does she have to be standing?
If I’m on a stage receiving an award, I’d want my wife to be right beside me, doing a head stance, before transitioning into a crow pose and then into a downward dog.
What a sight that would be.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not out to ridicule her. I’m just trying to get her to show off her yoga prowess because she doesn’t get to do it enough.
You see, she’s actually a certified yoga instructor. But the only thing she bends these days is my ear.
With this, I’d like to draw your attention to a popular meme I found on the internet which reads:
“In 1816, women had no rights. In 1916, women fought for some rights. Today, women are always right.”
On a serious note, I think it is heartening to see that more and more women are getting into positions of power, be it in corporations or in politics. I truly believe women to be equal to men. After all, gender has little to no bearing on many of the things we do in life.
Take my wife for instance. She’s a successful career woman who despite her hectic schedule still managed to clock hundreds of hours of classes to get not one but three types of yoga instructor certifications over the last couple of years. In fact, she’s currently undertaking an EMBA too.
We could also take driving as an example. I really don’t understand the argument that men are better drivers than women. This is simply not true, and I’m speaking from experience.
My uncle always drives as if he’s in a Formula 1 race and often experiences road rage. My former boss, who is a lovely diminutive lady who bakes absolutely delicious cookies, is exactly the same.
Both these individuals, despite their physical differences, are equally bad drivers.
All that being said, men and women aren’t exactly equal because there are physiological differences which naturally impact certain aspects of life.
Case in point? A trip to the toilet.
The way men have been created allows us to utilise certain things called urinals, which undeniably make our toilet trips quicker compared to women. It doesn’t help that some women have a proclivity for wearing jumpsuits or rompers.
It only recently dawned on me that a jumpsuit would make a trip to the loo a very challenging experience.
“This outfit you’re wearing – does it come with a zip? How on earth do you take a piss?” I asked a friend.
“Erm, I take it all off while I do my business?” replied a friend.
“Wait. So it comes into contact with the toilet floor? Or do you hold it up above your ankles?”
“Don’t be gross! Of course I’ll hold onto it!”
“Hmm. And what do you do when you have to wipe yourself?”
“One hand on the outfit. One hand for wiping. Or do a half squat. Or do the awkward knees-out pose. Aiyah, you men won’t understand one, lah.”
“Sheesh, please don’t womansplain to me. I do understand. Because I have been through the same experience.”
No, I don’t wear rompers or jumpsuits or have a secret crossdressing hobby.
You see, most of us NSmen have been in a one-piece outfit.
What am I talking about?
The stuff of nightmares – the dreaded MOPP 4 chemical warfare suit.
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