I only recently discovered that though kids love the school holidays, it’s not all fun and games for the parents. (You see, I don’t have kids, and don’t think I ever will).
In fact, at least according to one NS buddy of mine named Gary, this time of the year can induce a lot of stress.
“Wah lau, I tell you, school holidays always mean spending more money!” lamented Gary, while knocking back his fourth pint of beer with us fellow reservist mates at the SAFRA clubhouse.
“Do you know I spent close to $6,000 on that family ski trip to Niseko in December? And then I had to give out ang baos for Chinese New Year less than a month later! And now I’m going to have to spend money on enrichment camps for the kids because of the March school holidays again!”
“Well, at least you caught a break in February, right?” I replied, trying my best to empathise with a situation I am completely unfamiliar with.
“Of course not!” he exclaimed.
“And what did you spend big on in February?”
“Valentine’s Day lor!”
We later learned that the school holidays can also be a nightmare for those who work exclusively from home or who do not have the means to arrange for childcare while they’re in the office. Another reservist mate, who works remotely full-time, told us that he simply has to bite the bullet and send his kids to daycare just so he can focus on his work at home.
That being said, our Company Sergeant Major (CSM) seems to have no problems with the school holidays. Regimentation combined with perks, he said, apparently work wonders.
His course of action for school holidays? Reward the kids for doing their homework and behaving well while unsupervised.
And what if they refuse to comply? I kid you not, he makes his children “sign extras”.
“You simply have to take away what means the most to them,” he shared.
“Remember your NSF days? What mattered the most to you? Your weekends, right? Now, think about what a kid wants,” he added.
“To destroy your home with crayons and orchestrate your financial downfall!” exclaimed Gary, who was now on his sixth pint of beer.
“Erm, toys?” I said.
“Close. But it’s play time. My eight-year-old son once broke a vase when he was kicking a football at home, so I made him sign ‘four extras’, and by that I mean four hours less play time for the week,” said the CSM.
The CSM then went on to share another tip on how to prevent kids from misbehaving.
“The thing about kids is that they are just full of energy. You just need to expend all that energy. After all, a sleeping kid cannot misbehave,” he quipped.
“Yes! I agree! That’s why you sign them up for expensive enrichment camps!” chimed Gary, who was now on his seventh pint of beer.
“Well, there is another way which doesn’t require you to spend a single cent,” replied the CSM.
The table went quiet as everyone eagerly awaited what the wise man had to say.
“I simply tell my son to go touch a tree and come back!” he laughed.
Everyone gasped.
The CSM explained that his son has been sprinting every day for the past week to a particular tree located at the park near their home, hoping to meet the timing set by his father.
The prize? A trip to Tokyo Disneyland.
“So, is he getting any closer to achieving the goal you set?” I asked.
The CSM shook his head with a chuckle. “Nope, not even close. But at least he’s too exhausted to cause trouble at home. And now he can run faster than most of his classmates.”
“Wah, bro, you’re basically training him for NS already!” exclaimed Gary, now slurring slightly as he waved for another pint.
“That’s the idea,” said the CSM, “Why wait till BMT to get fit? Might as well start them young. That way, they won’t struggle with the Individual Physical Proficiency Test (IPPT) like some of us did.”
At this point, we all shuddered collectively, thinking back to our own NSF days and the trauma of failing the 2.4km run. You know, that moment when your lungs feel like they’re filled with molten lava and your legs start negotiating an early retirement.
“So you’re saying… I should send my kids to climb Bukit Timah Hill and maybe climb with him. I can reduce my beer tummy too right?” asked one of our mates.
“Precisely,” said the CSM, “Think about it. When they reach 18 and have to enlist, would you rather they be a combat-fit soldier or an overfed, TikTok-obsessed recruit struggling to survive field camp?”
Gary, still clutching his beer like it was his only lifeline, nodded solemnly. “You got a point, sia. Maybe I should get my son to run to the kopitiam and back. That will prevent him from ordering food delivery. It’s so expensive lor!”
“Exactly! And it’s free! The trick is to dangle the right carrot. For my son, it’s Disneyland. For yours, maybe a PlayStation 6? Or, if you’re on a budget, the promise of bubble tea with extra pearls but cut the sugar!”
“Eh, good idea! I tell you ah, if my son can pass the IPPT standard for 18-year-olds by the time he’s 12, I confirm buy for him,” mused Gary, who was starting to slide off his seat.
“Smart move, bro. And think about it, if they start training now, they might even get PES A or B and get into OCS or SISPEC next time,” said the ever-encouraging CSM.
“So basically, your method of parenting is just early enlistment lah,” I concluded.
The CSM grinned. “You joke, but it works. By the time they actually enlist at 18, they’ll have a six-pack instead of struggling through Remedial Training (RT) like some of us.”
He concluded, “Or at the very least, they won’t be that recruit wheezing at the back of the 2.4km run while the Sergeant yells, ‘Faster, recruit! My grandmother can run faster than you – AND SHE USES A WALKING STICK!’”
LOL Mondays is an ongoing series of slice-of-life stories from freelance writer and NSman Ethan Lim.
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